This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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