4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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