we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My feet surprised me
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