I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Randomize
