Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
