the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
