im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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