these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
