nut hugger
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
