Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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