omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
