I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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