After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
