Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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