He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
