awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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