I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
