he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
