my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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