I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
