Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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