she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
