Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize