dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's even glitter on my cock...
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