omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
