I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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