awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dicks are not precious.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
