Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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