Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
