I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
