I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
