Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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