But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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