Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
