she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
