I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize