I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Michael Bay diarrhea
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
