TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
