3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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