I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
