A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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