Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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