Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
