I accidentally had phone sex last night
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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