You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
