I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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