I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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