u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
