What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize