I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
