I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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