I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
