i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
