Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
