I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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