I didn't shave. On purpose
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Panties = found
Randomize
