what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
