Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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