Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
