i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
