Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
