organizing the empties. That sober.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
