she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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