your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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