He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
