It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
