At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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