he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize