I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
