I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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