We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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