it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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