Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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