i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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