there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pants are for mortals
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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