Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
