So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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